I am 19, and I was sexually abused by my father between 6 and 12. I see the "flashes" from my past. I manifest the sexual disturbances. I have no excitation. I've never had an orgasm. I love make love "only for his pleasure". I feel a little thing when I masturbate but I am not completely sure what it is. In the street, sometimes I need to see a man direct to eyes to excite him a little bit (I'm not ugly at all), if he takes a risk to speak me, I refuse him firmly. I feel a pleasure with this kind of humiliation of men. After that, I feel nasty, repugnant. I want to heal.

Thanks for your note to FEMINIST.COM. Unfortunately, I'm not a "doctor" and, therefore, can't professionally answer your question. However, through my work with women's issues, I am familiar with many resources in response to sexual abuse. I also personally know many people who have had similar experiences. In many instances it takes talking openly and honestly about the abuse to be able to have healthy sexual relations. In other instances it takes the trust and assurance that you lover can provide to assure you that sex can be safe and not violating. Here are some books I suggest you take a look at to help you move toward this place of safety.

• Your Inner Child of the Past by W. Hugh Missildine
• Father Daughter Incest by Judith Lewis Herman
• The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
• Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse by Jennifer J. Freyd
• Breaking Down the Wall of Silence: The Liberating Experience of Facing Painful Truth by Alice Miller

—Amy